I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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