Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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