Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
