the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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