Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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