trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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