Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
