I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
