is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
