So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
