So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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