Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
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