I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
