How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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