after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
no more duck duck goose at the bar
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
