I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
