i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
