Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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