I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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