apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
