It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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