ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
