apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
