I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
