im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
So much rum. So many feels.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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