Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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