I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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