FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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