i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
