You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
