You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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