just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
