well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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