I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
