I seem to have left my pride at pride
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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