took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
