my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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