i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
