I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
