she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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