My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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