just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
