You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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