is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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