Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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