shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
