I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
