Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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