Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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