Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
