yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
