shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
