did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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