I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
