i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I had your ass I would rule the world
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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