They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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