Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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