I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
