You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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