wakey wakey hands off snakey
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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