Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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