Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
not ubering you a puppy
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
