I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
